Nonbinary and Gay
"How can you be a nonbinary lesbian?" "How can you be nonbinary and gay?"
An FAQ on why, what, and other questions regarding being nonbinary and gay/a nonbinary lesbian.
Warning:
Some links I provide may include slurs or otherwise outdated language, and I myself will occasionally use outdated language in order to talk about the history I am referring to due to it being the language used at the time.This will include NSFW topics/words, mostly in reference to the terms "gynephilia" and "androphilia", but some links included in answers also contain NSFW wording and topics.
How can you be a nonbinary lesbian/nonbinary and gay?Why would they identify as nonbinary?Isn't this made up/from Tumblr/Twitter?Wouldn't that be gynesexual or gynephilia/androsexual or androphilia?Why not use terms such as NBLW, trixic/orbisian, NBLM, toric/quadrisian, sapphic, achillean, venusic/venusian, marsic/marsian, neptunic, or uranic?
Q: How can you be a nonbinary lesbian/nonbinary and gay?
A: The common misconception people have is that nonbinary is a lone term either meaning genderless or genderfluid/bigender between man and woman - while it can be used as a lone term, and it can absolutely mean those things, it's also an umbrella term covering many identities, including terms like demiwoman, demiman, womanflux, manflux, ETC - nonbinary can include womanhood/manhood or something adjacent to or aligned with it. There are many ways to be nonbinary, considering the term is a coverall for anything not fitting neatly inside the binary.There are also those who are genderless/neutral gender and non-aligned/neutral-aligned, and they can be gay/a lesbian as well based on their attraction; this also applies to those who are an exclusive gender that identify as nonbinary due to it. Many nonbinary lesbians and gay people also explain that they feel their lesbianism/gayness is their gender, part of their gender, or influences their gender alongside being their orientation, some even identifying as terms like lesbiangender, libralesbian, gaygender, vinciangender, ETC.
Q: Why would they identify as nonbinary?
A: People sometimes chalk this up to gender-noncomformity, but that isn't always, or even most often, the case. Just like orientation, being nonbinary is not a choice, it's just who someone is. A person may feel they have a reason for why they are nonbinary while others don't, and those who do feel they have a reason have very diverse reasons. You can't give a sole reason for why every person of an identity feels the way they do.
Q: Isn't this made up/from Tumblr/Twitter?
A: I suggest you read Stone Butch Blues, a book published in 1993. Leslie Feinberg, the writer, is a nonbinary/trans butch lesbian, and it talks about hir experiences in being trans, a lesbian, and stone butch. Leslie Feinberg also has other writings talking of hir trans/nonbinary identity and related to how ze fought for the rights of people like hirself and all other LGBT people, such as hir pamphlet, Transgender Liberation: A Movement Whose Time Has Come, which helped broaden the term transgender to include experiences more like hir own - experiences outside the binary. Many others also felt the term didn't quite cover their experiences and wanted it to be broadened.Other things to consider:• Genderqueer, a precursor term to nonbinary (although the meaning has since developed), was coined in the 1990s.
• The Empire Strikes Back: A Posttranssexual Manifesto was published in 1987, and it speaks of how trans people should view gender outside the binary to challenge transphobia.
• Transfeminine, coined sometime in the 1980s, was made to include trans WLW with varying experiences in gender and sexuality, including experiences that may not be on the binary - ones that don't wish to transition, that are nondysphoric, that didn't feel included under the terms transvestite, transsexual, or transgender, etc.
• I also suggest you take your time to read about the history of nonbinary identities. This page of course isn't a coverall, you should read in depth, but it's a good start.You're confusing people lacking the terms to describe themselves as their identities not existing. Marsha P. Johnson, who as we know now is a trans woman, lacked the proper language to describe herself, and therefore referred to herself as a transvestite and gay man. This is because the terms we use nowadays (transgender and transsexual) didn't exist, or didn't mean the same thing back then. That doesn't mean her identity didn't exist.
Q: Wouldn't that be gynesexual or gynephilia/androsexual or androphilia?
A: While there's been a movement to redefine gynesexual/gynephilia and androsexual/androphilia, they originally meant attraction to vaginas (gyne) or penises (andro).
Outside of the obvious issues with that, those terms are also associated with the terms autogynephile and autoandrophile, terms that are harmful to trans WLW and MLM who got diagnosed as such for being gay and trans, which asserted that they were just cis people with a crossdressing fetish and a vagina/penis paraphilia, and that then barred them from transitioning.
Autogynephile, which they call AGP, and autoandrophile, which they call AAP, are also terms commonly used by gender critical people towards trans people who want to transition, are transitioning, or experience gay attraction, based on the belief that they are just fetishizing having a different genitalia and being a different gender.There is no good reason to bar people from language that makes sense to and includes them on the basis of not understanding their experiences, that is what LGBTphobes do. Much like how the meaning of trans has been broadened, the same can and has happened with lesbianism and gayness.
Q: Why not use terms such as NBLW/trixic/orbisian, NBLM/toric/quadrisian, sapphic, achillean, venusic/venusian, marsic/marsian, neptunic, or uranic?
A: You can identify as those terms and many of us also identify as them alongside being a lesbian/gay. I'm an NBLW/trixic/orbisian because I'm nonbinary and attracted to women, and I'm sapphic because I'm a woman and nonbinary person attracted to women. This is another case of believing umbrella terms which can be lone identities are only lone identities.• NBLW (nonbinary [person/people] loving women, synonymous with trixic and orbisian) is a coverall for any nonbinary person attracted to women.
• NBLM (nonbinary [person/people] loving men, synonymous with toric and quadrisian) is a coverall for any nonbinary person attracted to men.
• Sapphic is a unifying term for all WLW and NBLW.
• Achillean (and many similar terms) is a unifying term for all MLM and NBLM.
• Venusic/venusian is a unifying term for all nonbinary people exclusively attracted to women. Those who use it may not necessarily identify as a lesbian.
• Marsic/marsian is a unifying term for all nonbinary people exclusively attracted to men. Those who use it may not necessarily identify as gay for men.
• Neptunic means the attraction to all genders except for man, and although primarily used by nonbinary people, can be used by all genders. Those who use it may not necessarily identify as a lesbian.
• Uranic means the attraction to all genders except for woman, and although primarily used by nonbinary people, can be used by all genders. Those who use it may not necessarily identify as gay for men.If you identify as just these terms, that's fine - they're as much your identity as lesbian/gay is ours! They just don't exist to replace our identity.